I don’t exactly know how or where to begin so I will attempt to do so chronologically.
I come from a very misogynistic country. I was AFAB but realised a couple of years ago that I’m actually a man. It was a very complicated time in my life and I had no men or male role models to look up to.
The famous men of my country felt too grand and I couldn’t relate to them. The men around me were toxic and abusive and I wanted to be nothing like them. I couldn’t really understand the men of the west or the ones I read in books. I was beginning to believe that I was just being overdramatic.
Then I happened to stumble upon a reel of SKZ goofing around and was immediately hooked. These men felt real to me, I could see that we had traits in common and that it is possible to be a man without being a hero or a monster.
I eventually started stanning other groups like Seventeen, TXT and ATEEZ as well. I also enjoy listening to girl groups but I don’t seem to connect to them like I do for boy groups.
It has been around 4-5 years since then and I would like to believe that I have grown up. My sense of self is not so critically rooted in others. I have found connection and friendship with other men and queer people of my age group but kpop will always hold a special place in my heart.
In the light of many recent events, I have been finding it a bit difficult to keep loving boy groups in the same way as before. I was always aware of the issues within the community but for some reason I find myself being so much more apprehensive than before.
Trusting men is difficult. Maybe I’m the one putting too much faith into something I really shouldn’t but I cannot shake that anxiety off. I cannot even enjoy the songs as much as I did before and it is disheartening to me.
I just want to know how you guys deal with it or if you have had a similar phase?
(P.S I know and love XLOV. However, they are a non-binary/ genderless group not a boy group)
submitted by /u/FadingFire234
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