I have posted it on other subs as well, but posting it here also in the hope of reaching more people.
So, a little backstory about me is that, I have been an Army since 2017, around fake love/dna era. And yes, I would admit that I became quite obsessed with them right away and that lasted a few years. But i don’t think it was that problematic yet, since I was doing very well at that time, socially and was also in a relationship, till Covid.
Post that I sort of became less obsessive (relatively), not really keeping up with their every move obsessively, but would listen to the album when it came out, watching run bts, watching their interviews, consuming fan created content (on Tumblr/wattpad). I was still keeping up with them but, It wasn’t destroying my sanity because I was still able to function (preparing for competitive exams and then pursuing my masters). But life has been very challenging for me since Covid happened. I was unemployed, prepared for competitive exams, did my masters and then I also lost one of my parents last year. (I am not sure if all of this is relevant but i do want to provide the full context of my situation here).
And life has gotten Even more challenging lately but i don’t spend a lot of time thinking about them, or keeping up with their content, (I do read a lot of fanfiction tho) but i feel very attached to their brand and their image in my head. Like for example, i found myself in the an anti-bts subreddit (yknow which one), and yes most of it is pure hate, like they’re ugly or have bad music. Initially i was just curious about what they say and what’s being talked about and it felt absolutely crazy to me that people could be so hateful but some of the things that they say seem very legit?!? and it makes me question a lot. I will admit that i have some irrational thoughts about members’s personal dating lives(esp my bias, who i don’t wish to disclose). Like i know, i know it’s completely nuts to care about something like that but i do find myself being bothered by it. I know it’s completely crazy, i feel crazy writing this down and admitting it (i feel so embarrassed). Not to the extent of leaving hate comments on the idols involved with them. I would never engage in online discourse like that. Or being deluded that I would date them one day. That’s absolutely ridiculous. But just being uneasy at the thought of it. And sort of feel betrayed (like i said before i feel very attached to their image in my head and how they present themselves and what not.
Although there were some things that were going bad in my life, i wouldn’t attribute it to my obsession with bts, but more so towards my unhealthy coping mechanisms maybe? I’m not sure. I feel like I cannot really bring any objectivity towards my feelings towards BTS because they have been such a major part of my life for so long (almost 10 years), how intensely I feel towards them and they do inspire me a lot.
I have been considering therapy but I am very hesitant to go mostly because I also feel very embarrassed by my obsession with them. And I wouldn’t really be able to talk about it with an actual person.
Please be kind and I am being very vulnerable here. Any advice and/or alternate povs and thoughts are most welcome.
This is mostly written in the flow of my thoughts, pls do let me know if something needs clarification.
Thankyou
submitted by /u/Serious-Warthog-4725
[link] [comments]
