I’m 16F this year, and ever since I got back into Kpop last year (I was already a fan in 2020 but stopped for 3–4 years), I’ve found myself really fixated on male idols. Some nights I listen to Kpop to sleep, and basically every day I’m on my AirPods listening to it instead of other genres. I also scroll through TikTok a lot watching edits (because of my algorithm), and even on YouTube most of what I watch is K-pop content. For some reason, I don’t stan girl groups anymore now that I’m older, even though I used to. I don’t have many friends at school, and although some of them are K-pop fans too, I don’t think they’re as fixated as me, so I can’t really find anything else to talk about besides K-pop. I’m super single, never had a boyfriend, but I’ve had a lot of crushes. I don’t really see a relationship happening anytime soon, and sometimes I feel like I have no life outside of K-pop. My friends are out there studying or dating, and I’m just… here. My grades aren’t the best either. BUT I do think Kpop has impacted my life in some way. Before I got back into it, I was always obsessing over one-sided crushes, constantly checking DMs, having multiple crushes one after another, fantizing about us or just stressing over it. But after I went to a concert last October, I kind of got over my crush instantly after seeing ni-ki on screen 😭 . It feels like having male idols to look at through a screen is enough. I also collect photocards and buy albums pretty often, that’s basically what I spend most of my time doing. I also remember one time my friend said i was obsessed with ni-ki lol😭 but now my attention drifted to another idol lol
sometimes i wonder if im even able to get a bf because of this. my room is also filled with posters and it feels like other guys around me didnt matter as long as i have my bias. It just feels like he is the most important person to me, although im not parasocial (i dont think i am, or will get to that extent) to but whenever i see new insta posts of him i couldnt help but smile even if im in class. I also feel that i do use him as motivation to get through school sometimes. i would tell myself “anything for him”
submitted by /u/ReflectionTimely8228
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