So the WANTEEZ production team in their infinite and unhinged love for chaos had the absolute galaxy-brain idea to dump ATEEZ on a stranded island.
So naturally instead of doing anything productive, I have spent the last couple of hours analyzing each member’s exact behavior and skill sets to this conduct a deeply rigorous, not-peer-reviewed, vibe-based study that I present to you-
The (un)Official ATEEZ Island Survivability & Co-partner Requirement Ranking.
Here is how long each member lasts on their own/with others before nature reclaims them, and the exact number of full-time handlers required to keep them breathing in my opinion:
TIER 1: APEX PREDATORS / SOLO SURVIVORS
- Jeong Yunho
Survival Time : I think this guy will eventually found a small, prosperous colony if left on a stranded island. Required Handlers: 0 (He IS the handler).
Bear Grylls could never. This man treats an existential life-or-death crisis like an all-inclusive resort holiday. He will happily stroll into the uncharted jungle with the thrill of a child walking into Disneyland, completely making friends with the trees and crabs along the way. and he’ll do it all while sipping coconut water out of a custom-carved shell with a pretty tropical flower tucked behind his ear.
Two days in, while digging through the hot sand purely based on immaculate vibes, he will unearth an fully-loaded treasure chest. just raw golden-retriever luck and zero thoughts behind those sparkly eyes.
- Choi San
Survival Time : 2 weeks max. (I’ll give him 4 weeks if he has a another member to force him to rest and drink water and that he thinks he needs to protect)
This guy is driven by terrifying amounts of pure adrenaline, empathy and absolute zero strategic planning.
His cliff diving Namhae roots along with the muscle memory of a seasoned garlic picker do give him a major advantage. He might clear three acres of jungle with his biceps alone.
However, I think due to his complete lack of pacing and forethought, he will burn through his entire body’s energy reserves and sadly collapse face-down in the sand, while Yunho is still casually exploring a cave.
______________
TIER 2: NOT MAKING IT ALONE (Spoiler : No one’s making it to Day 4)
- Choi Jongho (CONTROVERISAL OPINION I KNOW!)
Solo Survival Time: 3 Days max if alone (indefinite only if the company is good.)
Despite being the strongest member of the group, I placed him here because his entire survival is strictly driven by his social environment??? Jongho’s survival depends 100% on his motivation level and the people around him.
Need a coconut split in half? Done. Need to carry two full tree trunks to build an open toilet? Easy.
HOWEVER, he clearly only enjoyed his stay because his members were there. With the group around, his will to live is at a soaring 100%, and he will happily lift heavy boulders and build sanitation infrastructure all day.
Leave him alone on that island, though? I doubt him. Within 72 hours he will fold his arms, lie down in the dirt out of pure, unadulterated boredom.
- Park Seonghwa
Will survive for maybe 2 days alone, better survival rates with 2 members present for sure (One to make sure to feed him, and one to praise the tent’s interior decor aka Hongjoong).
Seonghwa, the designated interior designer of the group, will sweep the dirt floor with a palm frond, arrange seashells by color gradient to make sure the tent looks pretty and neat. He’s surprisingly resourceful once in a while too!
Remains yet to be seen if his skill set includes succesfully lighting a fire using magnifying glass though.
If he were alone, he would give up the moment real hunger set in i.e once his scavenged egg supply ran out and his physical battery drained to 0%, he would simply lie in his beautifully decorated leaf bed, looking pretty, until someone rescued him.
________________
TIER 3: HIGH MAINTENANCE & ENTERTAINMENT VALUE
- Kim Hongjoong
Survival Time: 1 Day only if others are present to keep him entertained and play some soccer with him.
Y’all know him as the high-stress, micro-managing survival captain, but on a stranded island, he’s somehow completely lost all his captain-ing skills. ATINYs expected to see him running back and forth trying to manage seven grown men actively working against their own self-preservation by playing the World Cup in sweltering heat at the risk of dehydration.
Instead, his entire survival portfolio consisted of roleplaying as an Airbnb host, picking up pineapples directly out of the dirt, and constantly falling flat on his bum.
Worse yet, he is deceptively high-maintenance: he desperately requires others around to keep him entertained and pass a soccer ball back and forth with him.
No one wants to play beach soccer after a day passes and the exhaustion and dehydration hits, so I’m ranking his survivability low.
- Song Mingi, Kang Yeosang
Solo Survival Time – none, require multiple members to keep them safe.
Required Handlers: 1–2 (Preferably San or Jongho to handle manual labor and to pull Mingi out of the mudflats).
Both are not for actual survival labor, strictly just happy to be there vibes.
Mingi was honestly not as bad as I feared… for the first 180 seconds. But once you look past his pro-level Dibidibidip strategy and ?fluency in BirdTalk?, you realize he is just 6’1” of pure confusion, panic and vibes. Absolutely zero practical survival utility.
Yeosang’s entire vibe is being effortlessly ethereal while roasting the hell out of his members and the staff. But leave him solo for 10 minutes and he won’t panic, he will simply sit in a tide pool and accept his fate.
His only documented survival skill in the entire episode testing the transparency of the outdoor toilet, which… I’m not sure if ‘bathroom privacy consultant’ is going to save him from starvation, but at least he tried.
________
TIER 5: IMMEDIATE CASUALTY
- Jung Wooyoung : Eliminated on Impact. sEnd Help. Save the man!!!
My post is open to discussion and defending, but if you try to argue that Wooyoung survives more than 10 minutes on an uninhabited island after watching that episode, you are lying to yourself!
submitted by /u/AppleSplitter8000
[link] [comments]
