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DMZ – Have any Korean-born foreigners felt deep sadness or sorrow visiting the border?

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DMZ - Have any Korean-born foreigners felt deep sadness or sorrow visiting the border?

DMZ – Have any Korean-born foreigners felt deep sadness or sorrow visiting the border?

I was born in Seoul Korea and migrated to Australia when I was 3 years old. We migrated in 1987 – I only learnt in my late 30s that 1987 was a particularly challenging and dangerous time in Korea, especially for my parents who owned luxury stores in Gwanghwamun Square and Daewoo building (now Mercedes Benz- We Work building directly opp. Seoul station). Due to rioting and demonstrations which led to martial law/death of a civilian in front of my parents’ shops, business became increasingly challenging and we ended up moving to Australia, leaving a once very comfortable life behind (we lived in a wealthy area and famous apartment in Gangnam). I have almost no memory of living in Korea as I was so young.

After migrating here, we regularly visited Korea (every 3 years) until high school. I only went once in Year 9, then it was 10 years from then till my next visit. Around 1993, we visited my grandpa’s burial site. He was still alive but all his ancestors were buried together in Ganghwa Do Island and he wanted to see where he would be buried too. It was so close to the DMZ that soldiers were stationed at many checkpoints along the way. You could even hear North Korean propaganda singing through speakers they had positioned to the South. My sister and I were playing with the leaves in the ground and found a leaflet. We were sternly told to put it down and to not touch any paper leaflets as they were North Korean propaganda and it was illegal to pick them up. I recall finding that scary and the singing from N Korea both fascinating and eerie at the same time.

A few days ago I visited my grandparents’ tomb. It has been 15 years since I last visited Korea and over 20 years since I visited my grandparents cemetery. I never felt emotional looking out into North Korea as a child.

However, when I went a few days ago, it was an amazingly beautiful, clear day. I looked out across the Jo River (neutral Hangang River Estuary) and the panoramic view of North Korea was just so beautiful, it captivated my heart. The armistice allows private ships to use the estuary but both Koreas have banned this given the risk of armed conflict.

Fascinated, I stared long and hard at the magnificent view, in both awe and feeling a sense of surrealism. Up at the Peace Observatory, I didn’t feel any profound feelings in particular but I saw my dad who is now in his mid 50s asking a staff at the observatory where his hometown in North Korea was. She pointed out the direction to him and he showed my children from the observatory the direction of his hometown where he was born. I could sense his curiosity and his openness and willing to share his history and story with me, his daughter and his grandchildren who have never visited Korea before.

Later outside, with no glass separating us from the view, out in the open, as I looked out again towards North Korea, I kept thinking, “It’s so close, it looks so close!” – yet being unable to cross the border despite the closeness of proximity filled me with a deep sense of sorrow. I just wanted to be left alone with my feelings to process it all and would have wept feeling such a wave of profound sadness sweep over me.

I wish so much that I had even 5 more minutes to myself to allow myself that time and space I needed to process those emotions that were buried deep inside of me. Yet I was hurried along as we had a jam packed itinery organised by my parents but every night this week since Monday, my mind wanders back to the place, that feeling and my heart still feels so much sorrow.

My dad was born in North Korea but my grandpa on my mum’s side was also from North Korea and like many Koreans, we have a history of many stories where my relatives were separated from their parents and siblings.

I am still trying to understand and process these complex feelings and wondered if someone out there in the Reddit world has experienced anything similar/identifies with me as a migrant diaspora Korean? I didn’t expect to feel how I felt and wish I had alone time back at the Peace Observatory outside to take in the scenery and to grieve for my family members who lost their family during the Korean War.

I felt so sad for my dad that he couldn’t go and visit his hometown whilst I was there visiting Seoul, being invited by my parents to revisit my own hometown.

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