I am a K-pop stan, which unfortunately is losing its fandom culture due to an influx of new fans joining, and not understanding fandom etiquette as well as demonising anyone that puts any sort of effort or passion into knowing more about their interests.
One thing that has been a big problem for me is how people always like to refer to a celebrity crush as a “parasocial relationship” which is factually wrong. Yes, having a celebrity crush CAN lead to a parasocial relationship, but the act of being in love with a celebrity isn’t inherently bad.
What I believe a celebrity crush is; Just like a regular crush, someone who has an emotional attachment but to a celebrity, possibly due to their idol status (wanting to have/be something that they obtain — e.g: be a talented singer or wants similar attributes in their future relationships, such as personality traits, passion for their crafts, how they love their family, etc) or just simply based on the fact that they have a certain look they are attracted to, such as someone who is into men with long blonde hair and blue eyes might be inclined to have a crush on Brad Pitt because he fits the description.
A parasocial relationship is when someone believes that they are “dating” a said celebrity, and would go out of their way to try to be close to them, despite the celebrity in question having nothing to do with them, nor knowing them personally. This is typically a psychological thing and if it gets to that point, then therapists and psychologists can interfere and help them before it goes out of hand.
While both of them do include a one-sided relationship with a celebrity that doesn’t know them, they are NOT the same.
A lot of people probably assumed someone with a celebrity crush is in a parasocial relationship because in the K-pop fandom, a lot of fans like to pretend that they are actually in a relationship with them when they are aware that they will never be able to reach to them, and a lot of fans play into it that it would be our biggest inside joke within K-pop spaces online and in-person events. That is why whenever people call them their “boyfriend/girlfriend” and wanting to “marry them”, most of the time they’re not being serious and just having fun for the sake of it.
While I can understand this confusion can cause people to assume, a lot of the reasons why people like to call anyone who just have celebrity crushes “parasocial” could either be due to the fact that others believe “cringe culture” shouldn’t exist (as this is typically seen as a childish or outdated tween/teen-based thing to do) as well as the other main point being misogyny in women/female-based interests.
Whenever you hear about football fans going to matches, collecting match attax trading cards, wearing a football shirt, cheering at matches, and throwing temper tantrums when their team loses, nobody bats an eye. But god forbid K-pop fans attend concerts, wear cute clothes, have picket fans with their bias’ names and faces on it and cheering for their favourite group is considered “parasocial” is absurd.
In my opinion, celebrity crushes should be normalised and not be confused with a parasocial relationship.Especially considering the fact that having celebrity crushes really helped me through school where I was able to experience emotions for the first time without having to worry about getting in trouble or get made fun of, as that was what happened when I had crushes on people at school, which closed me off from so many milestones I missed as a teenager and now I’m living it as someone in my 20s. I don’t believe I will ever date, nor meet them in person, but my emotions are real, and I’m happy that I’m able to feel them.
Yes, some celebrities may not be what you think they are in real life, but that’s not an excuse to harass anyone and make fun of them just for simply having a crush. If they are truly a bad person, then they’ll break away from them. A parasocial person won’t.
Full stop.
submitted by /u/AsianMoot3317
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