i always get so jealous of people being able to have a best friend they can talk about kpop to, and even meet up. i always wanted to have one of those ever since i first got into kpop in 2019. i would always get temporary friends, but never that one close friend where we call at night and watch videos together.
i finally got into ateez properly after 4 and a half years of speculating them in the distance. i’ve been through years of cyber bullying and harassment for simply existing, especially one point where i went to a discord server and i’ve been bullied out and tried to go to another server and they would follow me in and torment me until i felt too uncomfortable to use the app anymore. i always have bad luck when it comes to finding people, and because i really want to enjoy my time with ateez after literal years of contemplating taking my own life, i wanted to learn how to have fun being on my own because there are weird people out there and knowing my situation and how unlucky i’ve been (hence why my shawol experience has been so crap), i feel like i’m self sabotaging myself because i just don’t want to end up in a situation i just got out of and continue the cycle.
has anyone been through anything similar? also, i’m currently trying to go to real life events and they definitely worked for a while, until i noticed that most people are going in friends and it truly intimidates me as a solo goer. i’m sure they’re nice, but somehow i feel a bit more comfortable if they’re alone because sometimes people going with a friend seems… very closed off and to themselves. i’m not sure if they’re looking for friends, or maybe they’re not… i could never tell to be honest.
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