Lately, I’ve realized I haven’t fallen out of love with K-pop — just with idols. I still love the music, the performances, the energy, and the creativity. But I can’t ignore how fake the “connection” feels now.
It’s like every live, every post, every “I missed you guys” moment is just a subtle ad for something. I don’t think they’re bad people, I know the world they’re in pushes them to do this. It’s all about money, perfection, achievements. You’re nothing without numbers or titles. You’re nothing if you’re not somebody.
And honestly, that hit me personally. Since my mental slip-up at 19 (really is was a psychotic break) I’ve spent years feeling watched, paranoid, judged, and constantly comparing myself. Always hearing “who even are you?” or “who are you?”trying to find worth in being “better,” in pleasing others, in being who I thought people wanted me to be. I got so lost chasing validation, chasing dreams I’m not even sure are mine. Always pretending I was fine, even when I wasn’t. Hating myself for not being perfect.…for not living up to this made-up idea of perfect.
So when I see idols now, I don’t just see performers. I see people trapped in the same system that once made me feel small. And I feel for them. I’m so sorry they have to live like that. (obviously I could be wrong. Idk how these strangers feel) But maybe through them, I found my own clarity…my own wake-up call.
At 26, I think I’m finally ready to find myself outside of them, outside of fandom, outside of illusions. I want to go to concerts for the music (I was already doing them but still.sometbing felt weird about the whole experience for years and the people I’d be around. I couldn’t pin point it… thought I was just being “Weird”) to dance, sing, and get lost in the experience, not in someone else’s image. Not for the fan interactions, not to beg for their attention, not to see them do these sexy dance moves, or whatever else (they aren’t strippers🙄)
Maybe this is weird… idk..As I’m writing this I have so many thoughts but I’m putting this out there. I know there are people who might be in the same situation but Dont know how to express themselves.
And to be clear, I don’t judge anyone who still loves the fantasy. Sometimes we need it. Sometimes the illusion helps us survive the real world. I get that. I’ve been there. I just don’t want to live there anymore.
submitted by /u/Adventurous-Wave8088
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