As an Gen X’er and a baby Stay (a baby unnie Stay, maybe?), allow me to impart some elder’s wisdom about fandoms and how those truths relate to being a KPop fan, which I’ve learned by being involved in fandom culture for pretty much my entire life.
**It is the job of KPop idols to make you love them.** Let me say that again in a different way – they are paid by a money-making agency to look a certain way, act a certain way, share personal information a certain way, create and perform music a certain way, ultimately with the goal of being financially supported with your money. You only see what they, and their company, want you to see about them … no more, no less. And what you see and hear is the “product” they are selling.
**No matter how parasocial your band may behave, they don’t know who you are.** I promise. Nothing you do is going to affect their life, positive or negative, in any way whatsoever. And that’s okay.
**They are human.** Idols have weaknesses and faults and limits, and they will all age and go on with their lives and careers long after their golden eras are over. They may be beautiful and almost otherworldly right now (I’m looking at you, Felix), but that makes them different than most, not better or more worthy of our attention and resources. In my youth, [John Taylor of Duran Duran](https://youtu.be/njaoZpfZPoY?si=C83j5otXkH9rsd2G) was as dreamy and otherworldly as it gets. And [this is him now](https://youtu.be/f4ICYAqkgwU?si=4PTBGo8Yr5sVqgvn]. He is still stunningly handsome and amazingly talented, but he has definitely evolved. Okay, maybe that was a bad example because John Taylor is still a zaddy. But you get the idea.
**There will *always* be a “bigger” fan than you** – they’ve been a fan longer, they have more stuff, they’ve been to more concerts, they know more lyrics or trivia … the list goes on. So instead of gatekeeping, or putting up with gatekeepers, find the common ground of things you love, hate, and dream for with the group.
(*Parenthetical side note: A new KPop fan is still as much of a fan as you even if they never got into KPop until “KPop Demon Hunters” and they’re only into one band and they don’t speak a word of Korean.*)
The most important piece of advice I can offer you is this: **Don’t make being a fan a core pillar of your identity and self-worth**. At some point you will be let down … by the band, by a member of said band, by a fan community, or the worst, by a slight that only you see. And when you do, it will be a painful struggle to find yourself again if you primarily see yourself as a fan first and foremost.
Ask me how I know.
Enjoy the music, enjoy being a collector, enjoy the silly videos, and enjoy meeting and socializing with other fans in a healthy way, absolutely. But make sure to keep perspective and make sure to be self aware enough to know how being a fan is affecting your life.
You may end up being a lifetime fan, or you may move on to a new group or passion next week, and either is okay. I’ve had short bursts of intense fandoms – some embarrassing to admit, others, not so much – and I’ve been a ride or die fan of a couple of particular musicians for 40 years now. You do you, but just don’t take anything too seriously to the point where it affects you in a negative way.
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