I should start by saying I (37F) and not currently with my (40M) partner, who a South Korean adoptee raised in Tasmania, Australia since 6months old. We broke up two years ago which devastated me, he struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder, and had abandonment and rejection sensitivities (self aware of these). We rekindled a few months ago after a year apart and both can see that we have grown. He was raised an only child in Tasmania (white parents) however struggled to connect to his adoptive mother, and after contacting the agency from South Korea he was adoptive from as an adult he got told his birth mother did not acknowledge he was her son. He is a wonderful, charismatic, intelligent and unique person and has been adamant he and i can make it work this time (both been to therapy and are addressing issues). I however feel triggered by our breakup and wonder if the situation will arose again where I feel he has cut me off abruptly due to a perceived “rejection” from me. Hence i told him a month ago I wasnt ready to get back together just yet and we havent spoken since. I suppose this post is cathartic in a sense, but also open to advice on how to support and believe in a relationship with someone who has a complex identity. Growing up in tasmania in the 90s and 00s it was very white, and he has some internalised racism and self loathing that he definitely hides through bravado and a extraverted personality. I am a Caucasian woman myself and i guess I would love to hear from Anyone who might relate or have some objective insights into healing in this space, as there are some layers. I truly love him but unsure how i can trust and show up when i am scared too.
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