I’m half Korean and my mom is from Seoul. My American dad passed when I was in my late teens and ever since, my mom and I have had a strained relationship over money. My mom was born in 1952, so she is older gen. I’m not sure if her way of thinking has anything to do with that or not. She gets $2800 a month (my dad made 6 figures which she loved to spend) and lives in a rural area. She owns her home.
For years she has been manipulating me for money.. she took my college benefits, so I stopped going to college when I lived with her. I didn’t get my own car until I was 25, and she fought with me very hard because she said she needed the car deposit money. When I worked, I paid rent, and she would use it as her extra spending money, instead of using it for utilities (so I would have to pay utilities on top of rent). One time, she told me “give me all your cash from work and I’ll let you use my credit card”, I said NO, and she went back to her room.
Recently I have started my own family, I moved in with my boyfriend’s family last November. I have some pets back home, so I asked her (last year) if I could pay the water bill and feed for them. Instead, she wanted us to pay the electricity, trash, internet, and car insurance for both of our cars. She got cats and wanted me to get them fixed and pay for their cat food. Then she let them outside and coyotes ate them (waste of money). I also have EBT and my mom just spent $200 (last of my EBT budget til it’s refilled) for Chuseok. Today, I told my mom I can no longer spend EBT on her, as I need that money for my daughter and my family. She got very angry and we’re not talking at the moment. I told my boyfriend that we’re cutting her off. She will have to be responsible and figure out how to pay for her bills out of her own pocket. I have no issue helping her pay through the internet, the accounts and such, but the money has to come from her.
I know she will say she will not sign a will to pass the house to me and her granddaughter (something we talked about) and that is fine. She will say she never wants to see her granddaughter again, that is not fine. I feel sad that I cannot have a normal relationship with my mom, and neither can my daughter. My daughter did nothing.. why take it out on her?
Is my mom’s behavior normal?? I ask because she tells me that people in Korea take care of their parents financially, and that I “treat her like shit”. She says so-and-so bought their mom a Mercedes Benz, or a house, or a jacuzzi. I’m very whitewashed and she didn’t teach me the language. But as a parent and a mother as well, I could not see myself in 20 years making my child pay for my bills and give me money so I can buy luxuries. Her behavior is weird and I wish she had more Korean friends to talk sense into her.
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